An "Oh my God I was an awful child" kind of confession...

When I was, OH, about 7...I had this black beta fish. I don't recall his or her name (nor do I know if it was a "him" or a "her") so please forgive me. Talk about a real bad fish mom, huh? We'll just refer to him as (Beau is going to love this...) "the Canadian".

Disclaimer #1: No judgment on Canadians...it's just an inside joke. Ay?

Oh-where was I?

So I had this fish...and mom wouldn't let me get a "new" fish until The Canadian died. What's wrong with having more than one fish besides the fact that she would get stuck cleaning both tanks-I don't know? Poor mother.

Disclaimer #2: I must tell you all that I am such a softy when it comes to animals. I hate this idea of something so precious yet helpless being killed or dying-even if it is of old age. (No voice to talk, no hands to write with-I mean, I would consider that helpless, right?) Anyways, I can't stand the thought. Whether it's a bird, fish, dog, you name it. (Ok-there is an exception for raccoons, coyotes and rabbits...I like to hunt. But I don't like to physically see them die.)

Are you picking up what I'm laying down?

Ok good! Back to the point.

So mom forbid me to get to get this new fish and apparently it was thee coolest fish of all the fishes. Possibly something pink? I don't know-I can only assume because after what I am about to admit, I was clearly desperate for it and it's awesomeness.

I can only hope they really make fish like this.

You guessed it.

The Canadian got flushed.

Alive and all.

I hang my head in shame for my cruelness. (I hope PETA isn't reading this, by the way.)

I'm just sure he lived for a little while longer after he made his journey around and around and around the porcelain, through the pipes and into the sewer. (A girl can hope, right?)

My God-kids are so mean. I will never forget running to mom with excitement in my eyes to tell her it was time for the new fish! She should have known that very day that I was going to be hell in a hand basket...

Moral of the story: Kids are evil. Fish are pets too. If your kid kills their pet, you should probably re-evaluate your child.

The end.

Aaand a photo of the devil child herself:
...in the ballet slippers mother SPECIFICALLY told me I could not wear for pictures.
...little sneaker...
Did I really think she wouldn't notice them??