March 4, 2014

The Real 1st Trimester Survival Guide

The first day I found out I was pregnant, I did what any sane woman would do. I ran to Pinterest and immediately searched "1st Trimester Essentials". You know, because Pinterest is like the holy grail of everything...weddings, fashion, makeup, recipes, kids, and obviously...pregnancies.

As I scrolled through the lists of items I just "had to have" for  these first 12 weeks, I got to thinking...what? Why? Ok maybe I'll need that. I already have that. What is that? Where do I even find that? I haven't needed any of this yet...I'll just stick it out and see what I really need.

I hate to be the person to say "I was right" but in this instance, I was right. I didn't need the crackers, or the Tylenol or the Bella Band. I was handed down "What To Expect When You're Expecting" from my sister-in-law (loving that book!) and since I'm already a borderline lip balm hoarder, I had that part covered. (Truth: you WILL need something for your lips. I prefer Aquaphor and I like it applied approximately 306 times per day.) that I'm out of the first trimester (I think? Does it end after 12 or after 13 weeks? Eh-who knows?), and because I promised to be as open and honest as possible throughout this entire journey, I figured I would go ahead and give you the real 1st Trimester Survival Guide. You know...the stuff that no one tells you that you actually need.

A. Portable toilet
No knocked up chick will ever argue with this one. There's no doubt I've recently found it an extreme necessity to have a toilet installed next to my bed, in my office at home, in my office at work, in my car and next to the treadmill. I swear...half of my daily workouts come from trips to the can. Now back to the toilet next to the bed...who do I need to talk to about that?

B. Folding cot
This one is definitely not questionable either. I've said it before (like a gazillion and one times already) and I'll say it again...the exhaustion is something else. (Sidenote: how did I not EVER know this was a pregnancy symptom? {insert idiot here}) Along with my newly installed portable toilet in every room in the house, I'm now requesting a folding cot to be installed directly next to it. Better yet, perhaps I should invent a cot with a built-in pot? I just came up with that but I really think I'm onto something!

C. Fat pants
Or if you want to still feel somewhat youthful, invest in the VS Boyfriend Pants. Baggy, low rise, won't hate me for this purchase. And for the'm not calling myself "fat" by any means but I'm definitely not feeling "fit" or "thin" anymore. If we're being honest here, "fat" and "fluffy" is exactly how I've felt lately and the last thing I want around my waist is anything tight or fitted. Boyfriend pants are where it's AT.

D. The thickest lotion on the market
My choice: Bath & Body Works "Country Chic" body cream. While I'd like to blame my dry hands on the "winter" we've had lately, I can truthfully say my hands have never been so dry in all my life. I tried just "regular" lotion for a while only to find it was a complete waste of time to even put on. Go with the thick stuff. Trust me.

E. Sparkling cider
Because if you're anything like me and booze just because it's Tuesday, you'll be "fake drinking" in front of any and everyone you know for a good 6-8 weeks. And do you wanna know what sucks? Fake drinking for a good 6-8 weeks.

F. The best sports bra on the market
I prefer Under Armour or Champion because they're tight and the material is thick, but everyone is different. Invest a couple of your favoritist sports bras in all the land and buy them. You will now live in them and your aching girls will thank you.

G. Color Wow root cover up
Because if you're anything like me, the timing will work out just perfectly and you will find out you're pregnant the week you're due for highlights and you'll need something to cover up those nappy roots of yours. I know...I know...many people and doctors say you can still highlight your hair throughout the first trimester but I was a little nervous about it at the very beginning. I ended up using the root cover up until about week 10 and finally ended up apologizing to my unborn child, praying to God that he would let me become a blonde again without affecting my baby and scheduling a hair appointment for the first available opening.

H. Coffee IV
No explanation needed. (And before you get all cray cray on me...yes...I can only have so much caffeine when you're pregnant. Though it may seem this way, I'm not oblivious to the world and choose to stick with just one cup a day.) Though that one cup in pure IV form would be really, really nice and incredibly appreciated at about 3pm every day.

So there you go...everything you'll need for your first trimester in it's true form. You're welcome.


  1. LOL this sounds about right. I also think a snack fairy that follows me everywhere needs to be on that list. And a pants expander for when I can't wear my fat pants (i.e. every day at work). Oh, and if I'm correct, you're out of the first trimester when you hit 14 weeks. At least that's what my app said. Haha!!!

  2. This post is cracking me up. "Cot with a pot" is every camper's dreammmmm! Quick, call up Coleman Outdoors...

    I would like to apologize for my sucky blog comments lately. Obviously ;)

  3. HAHA this is so true! What I wouldn't have given for a cot under my desk at work! Actually, I could use one right now...because motherhood is just as exhausting! Love your list!

  4. You are the cutest, funniest pregnant girl in all the land. Not that I would expect anything else haha. The fake drinking though...something I've already started scheming in my head and we're still a good two years out from baby haha

  5. I'm going to have a big problem with that fake drinking thing too...

  6. HAHA! Love this list! It's much less daunting than all of the other list I've seen... & more realistic (which I know is what you were obviously going for here). Makes me feel less anxious & calms the thoughts of how pregnancy & a child will drain any extra money we have to spare... which I know will happen one way or another! LOL!

  7. This is so funny! :) Just you wait my friend. HAHAHAHAHA!

  8. I remember thinking how weird it was that I had to hold my boobs as I walked up stairs because they hurt so bad! It get better! And then you get a free boob job when your milk comes in ha!

  9. I'm not pregnant and definitely not planning to be anytime soon..but I am curious to know how you "fake drink" with your friends and family?? I feel like it would be totally obvious in my circle! :-)

  10. I absolutely love this and I love your writing style! So fun! I was so exhausted as well, but I wil take that any day over the puking! Hope you are enjoying the whole expereince!!!

  11. Haha, ahh I don't miss first trimester at ALL. Although lemme just say that third trimester should just be renamed 1st Trimester All Over (Except You Are Huge Too). Congrats on your pregnancy, I'm almost 29 weeks myself!

  12. Ahhh fake drinking!! We found out we were expecting 3 days before my bday party!! We showed up to the bar early so I could talk to our waitress and she brought me fake drinks all night long!

  13. Your list cracked me up and I agree with all of it....and for me I was one of those gals that needed crackers and ginger ale at a moments notice. I felt like I had a massive hangover for the first ten weeks, ugh! I'm 21 weeks and loving the second trimester. Sounds like you're doing great!

  14. Replies
    1. Oh...and car sickness!! Oh.My.Goshhh... I would be riding around with my aunt and had to dig into the vanilla wafers she had packed for her 1 year old just so I wouldn't hurl... and I absolutely despise vanilla wafers... that's the sad part.

  15. I laughed out loud when I read this! So excited for you to have a little one!!!!!

  16. Really?! I will have issues with being a blonde and preggo whenever that happens.. Eek!


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