October 10, 2013

Who Cares About the Mockingbird? (& Other Things I Never Learned in School)

Most of us spend anywhere from 13-17 years in school. For those of you on the 5 year college plan (ahem...my husband), you spend 18 years there. And for you overachievers out there getting your master's degrees and being doctors and stuff, well, I can't do the calculation in my head but you get my point. (Hey, math was never my strong point...)

So basically we spend almost 20 years of our lives in school to learn what?

A question I'm constantly asking myself. What the hell did I learn all those years? Let's see...

In elementary school I learned how to read, write, do simple math, grow baby lima bean plants and play with frogs on the playground. (Yes, I was that child and yes, I had to "change my color" several times because of it.)

In junior high we learned all about geometry (which I surprisingly LOVED thanks to the note cards we got to use on every test), that starting your period sucks but it's definitely not the worst thing that will ever happen to you, that yes, you're awkward as hell but so is everyone else so it's okay, that  no matter how well you can play your clarinet band is for dorks, how to destroy a frog in science class, that coaches make the best (and most laid back) teachers ever and also, how to have your very first (and worst) kiss of your life.

In high school we were taught how to use a graphing calculator for things, well, other than actually graphing....like, playing games, storing cheat sheets, passing inappropriate notes, etc... I think I learned all the rivers, oceans and lakes on the continental US and did so by coloring with map pencils everyday in Geography. We were also taught how to successfully sneak out at night, how to cover the alcohol on your breath after a night of "partying", how to properly decorate a football player's locker on game day and that boys are going to break your heart no matter how pretty, athletic, skinny or popular you are. You also kicked ass in powderpuff football.

In college, well, we learned how to binge drink, how to eat on less that $10/day, how to get away with the proper fake ID and that it's always okay to take a beer to class with you as long as it's disguised as apple juice. I once grew bacteria from the bottom of my shoe in microbiology and even dissected a cat. I may or may not have also learned that no matter how many hours you spend in the math tutoring lab, you're always going to suck at it.
College: Day 1

Somewhere along the way, we learned how to type and use fancy computer programs, how to speak in public because lemme tell ya, I always wanted to make the State of the Union Address in front of America, and even how to care for a pretend baby doll for {gasp} one whole week.

Life lessons, I tell ya...

I can, however, tell you what we didn't learn...

  • How to do your own taxes
  • What taxes even are
  • How to drive a car
  • How to balance a check book and pay bills
  • How to finance a car, or house, or anything for that matter
  • What the heck a loan is and how interest works
  • Anything regarding banking or investments
  • How to get your first job
  • How to fall in love and stay there
  • How to raise kids (or dogs, in my case)
  • That you cannot put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher
  • Reds & whites do not mix in the washing machine
  • That coffee is an absolute necessity in life
  • Being an adult, though fun, can sometimes suck
  • That life is not divided into semesters and unless you become a teacher, spring and summer breaks don't exist
  • How to repair everything that breaks in your house
  • That you can't eat burgers and fries everyday and expect to maintain your high school body
  • On that note, what a metabolism is and that it slows wayyyy down in your late 20's
  • What on earth you want to do every day for the rest of your life
  • That money does not grow on trees and if you want to be successful you better bust your butt to get there
I'm sure I could go on for days but I still remember what an acute angle is and that a sonnet is some part of a poem. I also remember hating every second of Shakespeare and not giving a rat's ass about Who Killed that damn Mockingbird but hey, maybe that's just me because at the end of the day, who really cares what sin+tan equals, anyways?


  1. Liquid dish soap in the dishwasher!!! You carack me up hun...Too funny.

  2. You brought beer to class?! Wish I had known you in college! That would have been those long lectures much more interesting :-P

  3. I seriously love everything about this. I often reflect back on the hard stuff you learn in your mid to late twenties that aren't even brought up in school. Ugh. I think lesson plans need some rearranging ;).

  4. Love this! And laws, it is so true...

  5. This couldn't be more accurate! We just got married and are putting together all of our insurance plans and etc and I'm over here like wtf is a Home Owners Association?!

  6. Good lord if only you knew how strongly I feel about the subject that is our educational system and how COMPLETELY screwed up it is. I could go on for days and be fuming for months. But I won't do that here. Just know that I wish it was normal to learn what a mortgage is instead of what sin+tan equals.

    And bravo on the apple juice beer. That is a well played trick.

  7. Relating on the soap in the dishwasher, Hubby did that three months ago when we got married and moved into our house together. There was soap everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. If you think your metabolism slows in your 20's...wait till your mid 30's!

  9. OMG this is soooo true!!! School did nothing to prepare me for the real world!!!! There is so much I wish we would've been taught that actually mattered!!!!!

  10. Love this post!! Felt like a tribute to TBT and brought back so many memories!!

  11. Haha love this and so true. I can't remember half of what I learned in school.

  12. HAHA! It's so fun thinking back to all of the memories & lessons learned... none of which involve an actual lesson or lecture in the classroom!

  13. I sure wish you had of been a teacher so I could have learned about not being able to eat all those burgers and still maintain my high school weight or anything about banking! Great post!!

  14. Some of us DID learn how to balance a checkbook and are doing it right now. Some of us also learned how to rock at life.... (insert our gchat conversations here).

  15. AMEN to all of this, sister friend. I couldn't agree more. I wish they would've had home-ec still because I have a feeling I would've dominated in that class.

  16. Being an accounting major in college definitely helped out in the personal finance/tax area but I totally agree that it absolutely SHOULD be a mandatory class in high school as well as college - so important!

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  18. God, if there would have been a course called, "How to Grow Up", I would have taken it. Because by the time you need to know how to buy a house, you're too busy-you need to just DO IT. There's no time to learn how!

  19. My husband and I were just talking about how college failed us! In 9 years between us (my hubs was on the 5 year plan too) no one taught us a single thing about loans, or mortgages, or taxes!! Building our own house has taught me more than any college class can teach!
    I want to start a college class called Being an Adult: 101 and pull a Billy Madison and shake college kids little cheeks and tell them to never leave!!! haha

  20. Haha, I loved some of these old school reminders - those years were young and carefree but I love these years so much more!! Imagine if we had blogged the whole way through school and college too? x

  21. Wait, if my metabolism started slowing at 22, I am absolutely and totally effed in my late twenties!


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