December 14, 2012

Thoughts at Jury Duty

A) Thank GOD this place has wifi. What the hell would I be doing right now if wireless internet was unavailable??!! Oh-I know...probably something productive like reading my most recent business book or working on notes for a meeting on Monday morning. But then again I feel like jury duty in and of itself is punishment enough so alas, I'm taking this free wifi as a reward and am catching up on blogging.

2) Why must one drive all the way downtown at the crack of dawn for this BS?? Don't these people know I'm anti-city in the first place??!! One-way streets, traffic, tunnels and parking garages...don't EVEN get me started. Driving downtown is equivalent to getting a root canal in my book. At least it made for a good photo-op on my way in...

D) While currently plotting my plan for getting out of this crap, the following thoughts race through my mind:

  • Fake morning sickness: no one wants to mess with a pregnant woman, and they definitely won't question running to the bathroom every 5 minutes to "vomit". Just do it Stephanie. It will totally work.
  • Someone fake a bomb threat. For the sake of jury duty exemption...PLEASE?!
  • I hear I'm exempt if I tell them I'm a representative of the U.S. Senate. Surely they'll believe that.
  • Have a legit panic attack. Always a possibility...
  • Pretend to not understand English. (I'll never get away with this being a non-Latino blonde girl. Damn.)
{yawn} Is it nap time yet??

Fourth) I spy with my little eye:
  • Mullet man wearing a denim tuxedo. #hessexyandheknowsit
  • Middle-aged gentleman wearing a bowtie. Really sir? This is not a formal event. I'm wearing jeans and didn't even wash my hair for this...
  • Multiple unibrows and mustaches...on women.
  • Cornrows on a completely gray haired man.
  • Brownnosers sitting at the front of the room anxiously awaiting to be called on. Really, people? This isn't school and you can't be the "judge's pet". Get over yourself.
  • Vending machines full of calorie-laden, processed foods. Cheesy bean & beef burrito, White Castle cheeseburgers and sausage biscuits. And they wonder why the world is so unhealthy...
  • Highwater camo pants, a black "tall tee", houndstooth blazer and a du-rag. Good choice of clothing this morning, sir.

This is an absolute waste of my time. Government employees and city slickers (no offense) are two people I'd rather not spend my Friday with. Thank goodness they're paying me $6 for sitting through this all damn day. Perhaps I could use it to buy that cheesy bean & beef burrito I saw in the vending machine earlier?

In other news, this time next week we'll be closing on our house!!
Can I get an A-FREAKING-MEN??!!


  1. Hahaha - love this post! Get a doctor's note saying you have some disease!

    The 21st is like NEXT week!!!

  2. I've heard that if you say you're a stay at home (single) mom, they'll excuse you from jury duty because you don't have a babysitter! Might have to ditch the ring for this one, but I'm sure hubby will understand!

    Hope you don't get picked!!

  3. Boo for jury duty...yay for closing on your house! Hey at least it's Friday and you have wifi :)

  4. Haha you poor thing having to sit through jury duty! :( Yuck! You should definitely fake the morning sickness... that is a fabulous idea! :)

  5. Jury duty is definitely a pain. I had it 2 weeks ago....when I got released I went shopping at the Macy's kind of made it worth it lol

    Congrats on your closing so soon!!! So exciting! I cannot wait to see all the pictures of your finished home!

  6. LOL Im sorry but over here in Canada we only have chips and gum no Cheesy bean & beef burrito, White Castle cheeseburgers and sausage biscuits... I think those are only in your vending machines and our schools are not aloud any sugar drinks in the vending machines either or candy...

  7. ohhh girl! jury duty! if you think you're making that meeting Monday you're sadly mistaken haha. I tried to think of hundreds of ways to get out...and then I realized that they check your background to see if it's true--at least in the good ole state of PA. It took them 8 days for mine...yuck!

  8. Jury duty is sooo boring. I wait and wait and never get picked usually. I've never served on a trial but I'd be willing to see what it's like only if it was a really short one. House closing! So exciting.

  9. I had jury duty, I told them I had heard about the case and thought the guy was guilty! They got rid of me so fast! At least its fun for people watching- good blog material!

  10. HAHA I love it! I've only have to do jury duty once but I hated it! Congrats on closing on the house though, that's super exciting!!

  11. this post!! As I have picked many jurys...just raise your hand every time they ask a question and tell stories about all your jail bird family member and you hate the court system. You will be out of there in a flash!!

    Good luck!

  12. Luckily, the one time I had jury duty, I was away at college, so my dad got me out of it. Good luck!

  13. Ohh gosh! Bless your heart! I work at our local court house, shew. The people that come through here! Wow, ha!

  14. Congrats on closing next week, how exciting!!!! My lender has just been awful and even though my walkthrough is next Friday, I won't be closing until the end of Jan!! :( Can't wait to see pictures of the final product, your house is incredible!!! xoxo

  15. I'm probably the only person ever to say I'm jealous of your jury duty. Buuuutttt I'll probably never get picked again, or at least make it past voir dire since I'm a lawyer.

    Tips: depending on what the case is, just say you can't be impartial. Like, drug case? I do LOADS of pot. Pot should be legal! etc. just kidding, kinda.

    Hope it's relatively painless!

  16. Congrats on closing on your house! So fun! And booo booo boo to jury duty!

  17. A. 2. D. Fourth - WHY was that all I could focus on. Hahaha. Booooo for Jury Duty, Luckily I've somehow escaped being summoned my whole life. Hope that luck continues

  18. OMG, closing day!!!! Our closing anniversary is 12/23!!

  19. Jury duty is the worst! But it does make for some very interesting people watching.

  20. I got a letter in the mail a few weeks ago and I was dreading it. Then I got another letter stating that it was settled through a deposition so I didn't have to do anything and won't be bothered again for another 6 years. Score! I'm going to see if I can go my whole life without jury duty. We shall see :)

  21. OK *knock on wood* I have never had jury duty, and I am thankful. I despise driving downtown also, I am so much more a country girl than a city girl! City driving and what not = anxietyyyyy.

  22. Your numbering tactic made me laugh! A. 2. D. And fourth! :

  23. When I got picked for jury duty, I got picked, but got out of it because my parents are divorced :)

    Good luck on your closing!

  24. I can't believe that you are closing on your house next week! That's amazing! Are you guys trying to be moved in by Christmas day? My mom has always wanted to be chosen from jury duty but never has! It's a much more common thing here in Houston than in SC.

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  26. My dad get so excited when he gets called for jury duty, not that he loves to do his civic duty, just that he is happy to get out of work at the hospital and not have to wear his pager. That poor man was crushed when he was not picked to be on a jury. haha He would have gladly traded places with you.
    5 more days on your house countdown... woo hoo!!

  27. LOVING the numbering, hahaha!!

    I'm not American so I don't know how this all works - is jury duty compulsory? How are you chosen? And how are you exempted? Why is it so horrible?

    Closing Day, eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!


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