December 6, 2010

Slap on a dunce hat & call me a genuis.

I've been thinking a lot lately about all the ridiculous things that have happened to me and I can't just let them go unsaid. I mean, I just don't understand how these things happen but they do. Don't judge me. I'm really not the dumb@ss I'm about to's just my misfortune at the expense of other people's entertainment...

So here goes...

Most recently, I ran out of gas in my own driveway. ((Awesome, I know.)) I've NEVER in my LIFE run out of gas. I've actually made fun of people who run out of gas because it's SO avoidable and here I go running on "E" ((literally)) in front of my own house. Luckily mom had a gas tank prepared in the garage for lawn mowing purposes so I lucked out but damn you, karma!
I've also managed to lose the same credit card twice in two weeks. WTF?!? I've NEVER lost a credit card in my life so to lose the same card twice is just beside me. I'm not talking about misplacing it and finding it over and over again. I'm talking lost, canceled and replaced...twice.
Very recently, as in last week, I somehow managed to pose for a photo at my company Christmas party with my panties unknowingly showing. ((yes, that's the said unproper photo in my last post)) To my luck, or lack thereof, not only was the picture on my was also on the boss man's camera who then proceeded to send an all staff email with a link to all the pics from the party. Awesome. Luckily, I figured out I could delete it out of the server before people started talking...or at least that's what I'll choose to believe but efffff!!
As if that's not enough, not too terribly long ago I was given an injection at my office for a rash. To make a long story short, my body freaked out, to say the least, and 2 minutes after they gave me the injection I woke up in a chair with every nurse and doctor at my side wafting an ammonia patch in my face. Clearly, I passed out cold. ((there's actually even more to that story but to save myself some dignity I won't get into the nitty gritty...))
Aaand to top off the embarrassing work stories, I most definitely fell down the stairs two days in a row, coffee in hand and papers in the other, which resulted in a scar on my knee. Perfect! As if all the softball scars weren't enough...
At my girl Taylor's concert back in May I ate my sh*t not once, but twice. Both hands AND both knees hit the ground. Both times. Smooth, right?? And I was S-O-B-E-R! I'm now petrified to wear those wedges in public.
When my brother texted me saying he taught his dog, Lily, how to shake I questioned his abilities thinking he taught her how to, physically, shake water off her body. Really??
This was a while ago, okay 6 years ago to be exact, but I still can't believe I did this. To set the stage, I'm at a store ordering my prom dress. To ensure that no two girls at the same school had the same dress, you had to fill out a form: name, date & school. Ok. Cool.

Orrrr not.

My form read:

Name: Stephanie J.
Date: Gabe G.
School: KHS

Yea. By "date" they most definitely were referring to the day, not the guy. Oohh. Yaaa. I knew that...
I guess you could say I'm living up to my blog's name...
I'm not so sure about the beautiful part because I'm clearly not graceful but I'm completely acing the mess part.

"Heeere's your sign!"


  1. i ran out of gas in a mall parking lot once. had to get the security officer to pick me up and take me to the gas station near by.

    i've lost my debit/credit card many a time. usually it was b/c too many drinks were consumed the night before.

    but one time i thought i lost my driver's license so i ordered a new one online. the day it arrived i found my "lost" license in side pocket in my purse.

  2. Laughed out loud at this post... too funny. I have ran out of gas and it is so embarassing! But I HATE getting gas and will do anything to avoid it (obviously). I also have made some DUMB remarks lately that would make people believe I am blonde but IDK about sharing them :)

  3. Oh my, I love this post. You are not alone friend. That last one, I swear I accidentally do things like that all the time. I can't help it- its like my brain takes over and takes everything literally.

  4. oh WOW>.. this is hysterical. it reminds me of some of my "idiot girl" posts that i write. especially the "Date: Gabe G." i would totally have done that one, too!

  5. Babe you are too funny. Let's not forget the time we had you convinced that the river flowed one way during the day and the opposite way at night. That is how thee river stayed full. Love ya!

  6. This is my first time stopping by your blog and I love what you've got going on!

    As I was reading this post I was nodding my head - because I can totally relate. I'm constantly doing something goofy or absentminded. I've learned to just accept that I will never have it all together. Hey - at least it makes for entertaining blogging! :)

  7. OMG!!! You poor woman! It sounds like you had a rough week or so!! And surprisingly, Alex was just talking about having to use an ammonia tab on a patient a few weeks ago and that left me wondering how they smell?! Is it really THAT bad of a smell?! It's a good thing you work with doctors though. I have had my fair share of waking up lying on a stretcher at my job... embarrassing!!


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