If you don't want to be my friend after reading this, I understand.

It has taken a LOT of courage to put this out there on the world wide web but...since this is my blog and I'm as real as they come, you need to know about my most embarrassing moment TO DATE.

Don't get me wrong...there were some close runner-ups but nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to what you're about to read...

Sure-it might be little lengthy and probably TMI but hey, you follow me and I'm an open book so you're in for a treat today, friends!

Let's set the stage...

October 2009: 

• Beau and I go to a wedding in Galveston...not too long after hurricane Ike hit.
• Get to hotel, check in, go to wedding
• Don't know a SOUL at the wedding so we entertain ourselves in the photobooth using one of the hydrangea centerpieces as our "prop".(...after one too many vodka sodas you get creative, ok?.)
• Go back to hotel that night and crash.

Fast forward about one week later...

• Beau wakes up with little red, itchy bumps sporadically placed all over his body.
• We were convinced he had gotten bed bugs from the hotel seeing that it had just been hit with one of the biggest hurricanes that's ever hit Texas and was newly "renovated". Fair assumption, right?
• Goes to 2 doctors who rule out bed bugs and deem the rash as "plant-derived". (Ahem...remember those hydrangeas?)
• Fine. Doc gives him a cortisone injection and sends him on his way.

Insert me...

• A few days after Beau's diagnosis, I wake up with the same stupid rash. But mine is worse. And was slowly making it's way up my neck and onto my face.
• I hate doctors (well, the thought of doctors) so I did everything I could to NOT see one. Eventually, I found the rash spreading up to my cheek and chin and freaked. (Us women...so vain.)
• Fortunately, I work at a wellness center so I make an appointment first thing that Monday to see the doc and pretty much beg for a cortisone injection too because, well, that worked for Beau and I needed to see this rash gone stat.
• In walks the doctor, I tell them what's going on and plead for the cortisone shot. (Please note: most cortisone injections are given in the butt.)

This might be where you think the most embarrassing part comes into play...but rest assured this is not even the beginning.

Insert nurse...

• Nurse walks in, who, mind you, IS MY CO-WORKER, I drop the pants and she whips out the needle. Here I am-2 months into working for this company with my butt just hangin' out for everyone to see. Awesome. (At least I spared her the image of the tattoo on my left cheek.) 
• Anyways-needle is injected.
• I get tunnel vision.
• Light. Out.

Insert every nurse in the building plus 2 doctors and an ammonia patch....

You get it, people. I passed the heck out.

Within a few minutes of my little "nap", I wake up to someone slapping my cheek, a nurse shaking my arm and a pungent odor in my face. Confused as all get out, I begin to wonder why I was sleeping at work (seriously-I thought I was dreaming) and why I felt all "sweaty".

My hair is stuck to the sweat on the back of my neck, my hands are clammy and my entire body is soaked from head to toe.

The nurses are having me down orange juice and water and a good 20 minutes later, my blood pressure raises from 50/20 (aka: DEATH) to something a little more stable. I finally come to and realize what had just happened. Passed out cold. At work. Pants still down. Grreeeatt.

Okay, okay. Not that big of a deal, right?

Wrong.

I look around to see who all is in the room and start asking "what happened?", "why?", "am I okay?".

I get a slight reassurance from the medical team that I am, indeed, okay and that sometimes "this just happens..."

...riiiight...

I get the strength to sit up and realize something had spilled on the floor. I look at the nurses with an apologetic stare and said "Oh my gosh. I must have spilled something. I'm so sorry."

And this is the moment I will never forget...

The nurse looks back and me, looks at the other nurse like "Should we tell her?" and then mutters, "Well. No. Nothing was spilled. Sometimes, when people pass out, they lose control of their muscles...specifically their bladder. And things like this happen."

"You've got to be EFFING kidding me! Don't tell me I just peed all over the place..."

No answer was even necessary. I knew I did. Totally peed all over the patient room.. All over the finely upholstered chair I was sitting in. All over my pants. All over/in my heels.

IN FRONT OFF MY ENTIRE MEDICAL TEAM.

I was a hot, hot mess sitting in my own urine infested chair and my blood pressure/blood sugar was so low I didn't even have the strength to stand up to get out of it.

(I remember thinking to myself..."Who the hell pees that much?"...)

Anyways. There. That's it.

Since I was still pretty weak from my little "episode", I had to call my mom to come pick me up from work so she could drive me home to change clothes. 

Talk about being the kid who pisses them self at daycare...

There's no comfortable way to end this story other than just laughing. It's funny people. 

I peed on myself at work in front of half of our staff and then had to explain it to my boss why it took me so long to just get a measly little injection. To top it off, I had to call my mother and explain the entire thing to her and convince her that she needed to come get me quicker than quick so I could get a clean diaper.

Don't judge.

If someone wants to buy this for me for Christmas, I won't even be mad.

The. End.