Pack Your Bags. You're Going to Staniel Cay.

Welcome to Staniel Cay, a small, remote island within The Exumas chain of islands located in The Bahamas. Population: 70...ish.

Flamingo Air is the airline you'll take to get there. Your husband's truck may or may not be larger than the plane itself, but rest assured your captain, who enters and exits the aircraft through the front window (yes, I said window) will be sure you and the other 8 people on board make it safely to the island.

Though you are only 5 foot 5, you will almost be as tall as the aircraft. But no worries...

...because you'll get to ride shotgun for the quick 30-minute flight from Nassau over there!

Upon arrival to the island, you'll take a quick 2-minute golf cart ride from the airport over to the check-in counter. Yes-I said 'golf cart' as there are fewer cars there than the amount of fingers on my left hand. (Ask for Elizabeth...she's the sweetest!)

You'll get the keys and head straight for your cottage. Yep-the little cute one in the middle!

And this will be your beautiful place of residence for the next couple of days.

Not bad, right?

And this is your view from your room. To the left...

...and to the right.

Staniel Cay Yacht Club will be the only bar/restaurant/anything you go to or eat at while you're here. There's a "supposed" grocery store but we didn't care to look for it because the Yacht Club is really all you need. But don't you worry...the food is excellent (no really), the drinks are cheap and the people are the friendliest you'll ever meet.

Not to mention, this is also where Pit Bull filmed part of his "Timber" music video. No big deal.

Make yourself at home. Place your lunch order with the bartender. She'll make you a delicious sack lunch (PB&J for me, tuna on toast for Beau) to take with you on your boat for the day. And don't forget to put in your dinner order with her before 5:30pm. The dinner bell rings at 7pm sharp and if your order's not in, guess what? You're not eating!

If you're a beer drinker, Kalik is the beer of The Bahamas. Why would you drink anything less?

If you're knocked up, a virgin peach daiquiri will wet your whistle just fine.

Here's your ride for the weekend...if you're Jay Z.

For the rest of us "regular folk", this will be your ride and your token to travel all over this beautiful island! Plus-it comes with a pink noodle. #winning

These are your new friends. But don't worry...they're about 15 feet deep here and won't bother much.

These are also your friends. 

And if you're nice enough (and explain to them that you're a paparazzi-like blogger) they'll come out of the water long enough to let you snap a photo. 

Oh those guys? They're just hungry for scraps...

And these guys...they're just hungry, too.

Very hungry, actually...

As are their piglets!

And if you're nice enough (and have enough food) they'll let you swim and take pictures with them, too! 

Your next stop is at Thunderball Grotto. Also seen in the James Bond movie "Thunderball".

You'll snorkel your way in at low tide and swim in to breathtaking views that resemble that of a life-size fish aquarium.

{the view looking up from inside the grotto}

These will be your views from all around the island. Whether you're on plane, golf cart, bike, boat or foot...they definitely don't suck. 

This is where you'll enjoy your morning cup-a-joe.

...and another because why not?

And then you'll hop back in your boat for the day and hit up a few private beaches.

You'll also get as tan as Snooki and J-Wow combined.

You'll be entertained by your husband who prefers to snorkel for sand dollars and conch shells in less than 6 inches of water.

You'll swim in water that resembles that of a pool but don't worry...you're still in the ocean.

You'll ask yourself throughout the day "IS THIS REAL-FREAKING-LIFE?"

And then you'll be reminded...yes. Yes it is.

And if you're lucky, you may even try to tame a few sharks...

But just in time for dinner.

The bell rings at 7pm sharp. Remember?

You'll kiss your husband a bazillion and one times for surprising you with the most wonderful anniversary/birthday/Mother's Day gift you could have ever dreamed of.

And then you'll head to the airport. Yes. The airport, people.

Samantha will walk on over in her flip flops holding a very official clipboard. She'll check your bags, ask you how much you weigh and seat you on the plane according to 'said' weight.

And as you wipe the tears from your eyes wishing you never ever ever had to ever leaver, these will be your views from the air on your way out.

And before the wheels hit the ground, you'll have already planned your trip back next year.

It's been lovely being your tour guide, today, but really...I must go.