June 5, 2012

A retirement dream

Wow. So much love on this here blog after yesterday's big/exciting news!!
Thank y'all so much!! We are STOKED and can't wait to share every little step of the way with y'all!

So now that I'm obviously 10 kinds of grown up (you know...because buying a house = mature), I decided it's time I should think about retirement. Ok-so not seriously but I mean, I have really given it some honest thought. (Maybe it was for good blogging material, maybe I'm serious. I'll be the judge of that.)

One of these days my brain isn't going to function to the capacity it does right now. I'll probably have 3 different kinds of cataracts and my arthritis will be so bad I won't be able to hold the mouse and therefore, a professional 80 year old blogger is out of the question. (Oh dear God. What would we do without blogging??) 

Yes-I realize I'm only 26 years ripe and by no means do I want my life to speed up at all but it makes me feel a tiny bit better knowing that I have somewhat of a plan for when everything, including my boobs, head south.

Let me preface this by saying my idea of the perfect retirement job requires elastic pants, orthopedic shoes, nap time(s), ice cream and down right making people happy and there's only a small handful of "retiree" jobs that I foresee fulfilling my needs. I'll also need an extended lunch break on Tuesday's to get my senior discounts at iHop and Ross. 

I should also say that the worst retiree job I could ever imagine would require the company name "Wal-Mart", cats, volunteering at a local school or babysitting multiple children all at one time. All of the above sound like terrible ideas to me. Terrible.

The ultimate retiree job, in my humble opinion, is a flower delivery girl (err-senior citizen). C'mon. Who can be mad at someone bringing you roses and candy and balloons straight to your doorstep? That's right! NO ONE! You drive around all day in an oversized white van full of stargazer lillies and chocolate turtles. Talk about a damn good day at the office! We have a flower delivery "senior citizen" who frequents our office and even though I know I'm only getting flowers 2, maybe 3 times per year, he brings a smile to my face every darn time. I could be really good at this. Just saying...

A close second on my list is a barista @ Starbucks. First of all, who doesn't want to leave work every day smelling like a coffee bean? I know I wouldn't be hating it! Second-I can't even function on weekdays without my morning cup(s) of joe so what better place to be than the one behind the industrial latte machine? I would, however, prefer the mid-morning shift. I hear they open before the sun comes up and by using context clues, you can tell I am not a morning person.
Would you like whipped cream with that?
Finally, a tour guide at the zoo would suit me pretty well. Of course, I'd need to save every bit of my paid time off for the entire months of May, June & July seeing that I don't tolerate heat very well, but I could totally do something like this September through April. I don't know a lick about animals, or feeding times, or really anything that has to do with a zoo but it seems like a decent idea, doesn't it?
What I do know is that I look terrible with orangish/yellow bangs.

Well, folks. That about sums up my dream retirement jobs and my obvious inability to photoshop my face onto other people's bodies. I challenge you to go out and think about what you would do as a retiree. Who knows? I could be delivering you flowers one day! ;)


  1. Congrats on the house! And I seriously LOL'ed at the starbucks pic!!! Happy Retirement. ;)

  2. hahahah I loved everything about this post. It for sure is smart to have a retirement plan for when everything goes south including the boobs. hahah

    The flower delivery lady sounds like a great idea making people's day and all, but have you seen an old lady behind the wheel of a car let alone one of those big white vans. Hope your employer has some good insurance!!

  3. Delivering flowers sounds like a really fun job!

  4. LOL loved this post - hilarious!

  5. I vote for Zoo tourist! I always wanted to be a monkey training when I was growing up (what?!)

  6. haha how funny! so true though, i would definitely be signin up for the senior citizen barista!

  7. My favorite part of this post is your amazing photoshop skills. :) I will say from experience... you don't want to be a barista. You think people will be so happy, but you get a lot of cranky people at a coffee shop. JUST saying. :)

  8. Love it- you are too funny! My retirement "job" would be working at a deli- it's weird but I LOVE making good sandwiches!

  9. your pictures are cracking me up right now!!! but i would totally go with the ZOO!

  10. i love you

    if you are a zoo-keeper, i hope you develop a relationship with the gorillas so they dont come banging the glass at people hahah!!

    the flower delivery photo. im dying. hahahahh you are the best

    can i retire with you? im about ready to right now!


  11. These pictures are hilarious! & great retirement jobs! Maybe not so much the zoo keeper but, if I was I would have to be off in the Summer too! The heat in Texas could kill a senior citizen!

  12. Hmmm... retirement equals GRANDBABIES!!! Also includes dancing, river floats and on my bucket list is scubing diving and Bora Bora! Looking forward to all of that with my kiddos and grandbabies!! I will not, howeve, be caught in polyester pants and flowered shirts!! Haha!

  13. Love the pics and flower delivery lady, totally awesome! Great pick!

  14. That first picture just KILLS me. Seriously. I would love flower from granny Steph.

  15. What about being Chris Harrison?!

    An old lady could totally do that & it is sort of like delivering flowers! ha

  16. BAHAHAHAHA! This is too funny! I can tell you from years of experience that being a barista was my favorite job I've ever had! And your hair always smelling like coffee beans is a total bonus!

  17. Um those pictures are HILARIOUS lol

  18. This cracks me up! My dream is open a flower shop, I'd totally hire you!


I love hearing from my readers! I read each and every comment left on my blog. If you have a specific question, feel free to email me at snhoward16@gmail.com.

Also, please make sure your email address is set up with your profile so that I am able to respond to you. xoxo


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...