What I'm about to write here are a bunch of words that came out of pure frustration from none other than a damn trash bag:
sh*t
f%ck
da%mmit
a$sho!e
motherefffffffer
That's right.
I'm talking about YOU Mr. Cheap Trash Bag that doesn't seem to want to stay around the rim of the trashcan and every single damn time I throw something in you, you fold down into the bottom of the can and leave me cleaning up yet another stupid mess.
Which brings me to my next point...there are many (many) things in this world in which I absolutely, without a doubt refuse to pay a premium price for (except on rare occasions or unless they're gifted to me): hair products, gym clothes, clothes in general, shoes, jewelry, and bags, to name a few...
However, there ARE several things in this world in which I just absolutely without a doubt will always pay a premium price for. I'm talking everyday household necessities that you hate buying but realize when you buy the off-brand how much you wish you wish you would have spent that extra dollar or two......
You know...the essentials.
Toilet paper: unless you want a raw bunghole or feces on your fingers, I strongly suggest you stick with Charmin. And if you're anything like me and want to give your husband the easiest way to always make sure there's TP on the roll, get the Mega rolls.
More footage = less empty rolls = happy wife.
More footage = less empty rolls = happy wife.
Tampons: if you're a female over the age of about 12, you are all wellllll aware of the consequences when using cheap plugs. Save us all the visual and just don't do it. Spend the extra dough, get well-functioning tamps and save yourself the misery...
Undergarments: and yes, I'm referring to bras (of all kind) and undies (of all shapes). There is nothing worse than a bra that doesn't fit right or a pair of panties that rip the first time you wear them. I've tried to venture out from Vicky's but ladies, if you haven't already figured this out for yourself...take it from me: stick with Vick...as in "Victoria's Secret". You may pay 5 times as much for nothing less than dental floss by dag nabbit that tiny piece of material is going to last you 5 times longer than any other one on the market. And that's a FACT. If you, too, have cups that do not runneth over, the Bombshell bra is where it's AT.
Vodka: ok so maybe I don't hate spending money on this because it usually results in a pretty good time and YES, it is a necessity in my eyes but read my lips...errr-words....I will not (WILL NOT) drink cheap vodka. I've hung my head in one too many toilets in my lifetime to know the consequences of settling for Ol' Mr. McCormick and ladies, lez just say it's not somewhere you wanna go.
And last...but DEFINITELY not least...
TRASH BAGS.
This was the first (AND LAST) time I ventured out from the "Hefty, Hefty, Hefty" and I'll go ahead and say it...Lesson. Learned. Stupid POS trash bag can't seem to stay up in the trash can which, in my humble opinion, TOTALLY DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF A DAMN TRASH BAG!
2 bags down...98 to go. GRRR.
2 bags down...98 to go. GRRR.
No. You do NOT "Compare to Glad" nor are you made of "Fantastic Plastic".
Consider this a product review.
Rant. Over.
Happy Thursday. Who needs a drink?
*This blog post is brought to you by a trash bag and a glass (or 2) of wine.*
***
On a lighter note...my May Book giveaway is still going on!
One lucky winner will be picked Sunday night so don't forget to ENTER!
Yes. This. All of this. I might be the psychopath that brings her own TP to work and hides it in her desk because my office building works with 1 ply TP that's thinner than a piece of tissue paper. No, thank you.
ReplyDeleteOMG I just laughed so loud people came into my office to see what happened, read this and laughed with me. Yes, people laughing in a law office... I'm with you on all of these.
ReplyDeleteI love you. Oh my gosh, you always crack me up! I've actually been having problems with these trashbags as well! I'm down to two and you had better BELIEVE that I'm going back to Hefty after I finish. I HATE them!!! (and from personal experience, I have to agree with you on the spare no expense on tampons thing. I'm hurting just thinking about it. OUCH!)
ReplyDeleteThat is SO weird because I actually buy these bags and haven't had any problems! We usually take it out though before it gets too full.
ReplyDeleteLol this is awesome, and totally true! There are definitely things that I do not stray from the brand name with! Of course there are things I probably should start to stray from but that's not the point :) Love the post!
ReplyDeleteHahaha. Love this. I went to Target last night to buy TP and tried (again) to buy the Target brand. Big Mistake. and HOW one person makes this mistake twice in their life is beyond me!
ReplyDeletewhoa I'm really glad I didn't text you last night as I can see you were in a fiesty mood ;) I know how you are with your certain brand name things though and agree with the bags! I found these lemon scented ones and love them so much. Let's meet tonight to have a bev together ! Love you gorgeous lady!!!!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, some things are just not worth the pennies saved in purchasing them. However, I disagree a bit on the undergarments front. I buy "cheap" underwear (the six pack Hanes cotton kind) and they last WAY longer than any other kind of underwear I've purchased, and are 100x more comfortable. I'm a function over fashion kind of girl - my hubby is the only one who is going to see my undies and he sure doesn't care what they look like so long as I'm not bitching about how uncomfortable they are all the time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as a gal who cups runneth way over, Victoria's Secret bras are crap. I've bought them in the past and they've crumbled within a month. I asked the sales woman once how often I need to replace them, and she said every three months. Give me a break! I'd go broke! I upgraded to Nordstrom, and I buy excellent quality, perfectly fitting bras once, maybe twice a year. Totally worth it!
Just ditch those trash bags - donate them to a local animal shelter, they can always use them - and buy the good ones! You'll be much happier!
You make me laugh but have a very good point! I made the mistake of buying the cheap trash bags once and was ticked off when they kept falling into the trash can. I ended up with half a box left before I gave up and went to buy the good kind again. I kept the cheaps ones as back up in case the hubby decides to put the last bag in the trash can and not say anything and I don't know that we're out and need to buy more which results in us without any trash bags. I can at least use one of the cheap ones until I get to the store to buy more. Just an idea.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! And ... no fake ranch. Gotta be Ken's or Hidden Valley. And, the Vicki's thing - I must be the exception. EVERY bra I've EVER had from there came apart within months, and my boobs ain't big. Best bra I ever had? Target. No question. I do hate the damn trash bags that cave every time you put somethin in em. Rip that shit out and toss. And the tampon thing? So gross, but so funny! Happy almost weekend! :)
ReplyDeleteI know one pair of shoes you'll pay a premium for -- your custom cowboy(girl) boots that you went South of the Border for. Are they finished yet? If so, why haven't we seen them? I totally want to see how they turned out!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! This is too funny & TRUE! Why is it that cheap a$$ trash bags never work right!? I agree with all your things that you HAVE TO spend that extra $$ on... if for nothing else, to keep your sanity!
ReplyDeleteLol. i dont have any issue regarding trash bags, i will dump that after using it safely. i will like to put my dirty bella clothing in that bags.
ReplyDeleteIf I am gonna drink Vodka - it's Tito's and if I am gonna drink whiskey - it's Crown!
ReplyDeleteFunniest rant ever! Great post!
ReplyDeleteLol I never learned so much about trash bags aka "can liners" until I started selling office supplies. All of your trash bag symptoms are a result of them being too big for your trash can. Wow I'm embarrassed I even know this. Completely agree with you on the rest of the things to splurge on!
ReplyDeleteOh no, faux trash bags are THE WORST! Rob bought them for our house one time and I just about divorced him.
ReplyDeleteLast month, I ran out of trash bags and thought I'd be frugal. I tried the same trash bags. They are absolutely horrible! Hate them! I will NEVER use anything but Hefty again!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this. You had me cracking up. I hate cheap-cant pull apart-tearing trash bags.
ReplyDeleteAnd thin toilet paper is awful. And tampons, bras and vodka are worth the 'investment' for the better brand.
I've discovered that after skimping on my bra and buying a Target one. I'm headed to Vicki's tomorrow, in fact :)
This rant made my day, and this post is SO true!!!
ReplyDeleteSome things in life are just worth the money :)
x
Caley - www.ellieloveblog.blogspot.com