As any girl, err-human being, I feel like we all have that one thing. You know what I'm talking about...that one thing you wish you could just be in complete control of but yet you have absolutely NONE. That one thing you make a wish about every time you find a lucky penny or have an eyelash to blow or see the clock hit 11:11.
That one insecurity.
That one insecurity.
For some people, it's their weight while for others, it's their hair. Maybe you wish you were taller? Tanner? Blonder? Shorter? Had smaller feet? The grass really is always greener and you know what, that just sucks sometimes.
For me, my main insecurity is, always has been and always will be my skin. Y'all it's just terrible and I'll be honest, I don't know what to do. It's really gotten to me lately and I am just frustrated to the max (FTTM). I won't get into the nitty gritty of it all and what I think could be possibly causing it because, well, I don't know what the HELL is STILL causing it but what I do know is that I've absolutely had it. If I could go ONE day without wearing a face full of makeup, it would mean the world to me. It I could go 12 hours without some type of humongous cyst-like planet on the side of my face, it would be a miracle. If I could feel pretty when I wash my makeup off...just once... well...I just can't even imagine how great that would feel.
The part that gets me the most aggravated is not knowing WHEN this is ever going to end?? I mean, at least if you want to lose a few pounds, you have some type of control over it. Me? Oh-I'll be that 60 year old grandma with acne STILL wondering when I'm supposed to "grow out" of this.
The part that gets me the most aggravated is not knowing WHEN this is ever going to end?? I mean, at least if you want to lose a few pounds, you have some type of control over it. Me? Oh-I'll be that 60 year old grandma with acne STILL wondering when I'm supposed to "grow out" of this.
If there's one thing that can bring me to tears in an instant, it's knowing the current condition of my face. Yes. My face.
But then I start to think about how it could be so much worse. And I really do mean that...it really could be so much worse. I mean, am I really so vain that I force myself to wear makeup to the gym and the pool when some people aren't even physically capable of going to either?? Yes. I am. And that's just sad but I'll be honest...it's because of the society we live in and the criticism I'm terrified of. That, and I have absolutely had it with looking like a raging hormonal teenage boy all the damn time.
I'm sorry, y'all. I usually try to keep it pretty upbeat around these parts but today, I wasn't feeling it. I'm just beyond annoyed that I have to put up with this shit on a daily basis when I look at 99.9% of the rest of the world and they all have FLAWLESS skin.
You know when you just feel unpretty? Ya. That's about where I'm at lately. Hey-at least I have a blonde appointment tonight...if there's one thing that can ever make you feel better about yourself, it's a few foils in your hair.
Don't feel sorry for me...I'm not asking for anyone's pity here nor am I fishing for a reaction. I try to be as real as possible on this here blog and well, friends, the only thing that could get more real than this would be if I posted a pic of my face sans makeup...and TRUST me when I tell you that is NOT happening. (You're welcome.)
I just needed to get this out so I could stop focusing on trying to be perfect and start focusing on enjoying life...zits or no zits.
And to end this on a positive note...one more sleep 'til Hawaii.
Thank the Hawaiian GODS!
Don't feel sorry for me...I'm not asking for anyone's pity here nor am I fishing for a reaction. I try to be as real as possible on this here blog and well, friends, the only thing that could get more real than this would be if I posted a pic of my face sans makeup...and TRUST me when I tell you that is NOT happening. (You're welcome.)
I just needed to get this out so I could stop focusing on trying to be perfect and start focusing on enjoying life...zits or no zits.
And to end this on a positive note...one more sleep 'til Hawaii.
Thank the Hawaiian GODS!
I went through a spurt where my skin was horrible, it ended up being from stress and BC pills. I tried a bazillion diff face washes and everything and was always so frustrated - I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could offer advice, but... don't get too down on yourself I guess? Have fun in Hawaii!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. I still have issues with my face... and it's SO ANNOYING! I thought when we weren't teenagers anymore, we weren't supposed to have to deal with zits! UGH. Annoying. I wish I had a magic solution to tell you about, but honestly, I don't have one either! So... if you hear about one, PLEASE send it my way! HAHA :)
ReplyDeleteSide note - have a BLAST in Hawaii. To say I'm jealous would be the understatement of the year. :)
man, i hear ya. my skin isnt terrible but as soon as i take one bite of any wheat/processed anything i get cystic zits on my chin and neck and big bumps on my arms and legs. the only thing that has helped me is the clarisonic and a paleo diet. despite your insecurities about your skin, you are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI love you friend and you are beautiful!! Don't let it get you down. There are tons of people who feel the same way. All the stress, alcohol, makeup and a million other things always make me feel like I will never have clear skin, but you know what....we are not airbrushed people...we live in a real world. I think we all take things out on our self, while other people prob would never notice it! Being at the beach this past weekend really helped my face and just think, you will be in HI!! That salt water and sun will help! Stay positive! LOVE YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteaw, you're so right - we all have our own insecurities. whenever i get bummed out because of my super-square face, i just focus on the things i like about the way i look and it helps a little. :)
ReplyDeleteyou ARE beautiful!
Girl - I have "red skin for life" and I hate it. With the roscea comes zits and I have prescribed sulfur cream. Let me just tell you...it's amazing! Yes, it smells like eggs, but I put it on at night and wake up with no zits. Also, BC produces too much hormones and causes zits in a lot of women! I know I cannot take it for that exact reason. And when I say I cannot take it, I mean I have tried all of them that are supposed to HELP with skin. Be positive...you are precious!
ReplyDeleteIt could be just the weather. It's been really humid around here and my skin has definitely reacted. Hopefully the Hawaiin air will make you feel better! Enjoy your trip!!
ReplyDeleteI would have NEVER known you had an issue with acne...honestly. You are gorgeous and always glowing! Take your trip to Hawaii as a chance to go makeup-less for a while, let your hair down, relax and have fun!!!!
ReplyDeleteI would have NEVER known! Have you thought about seeing a dermatologist? They can be oh so helpful :)
ReplyDeleteI have the worst complexion {always have} {we've talked about this} known to man. I just want to let you know, that I love you zits, oil, grease, and ALL. ;) MAC has realled helped me.
ReplyDeleteI was always insecure about my right arm. I have a huge birthmark on it, plus I had bumps (tumors) and lumps (extra skin) on it. People would always ask me what it was. I hated wearing tanktops, short sleeves, or anything that exposed it. I began hiding from it, and just wearing cardigans 24/7, even if it was 100 degrees outside. I still didn't feel beautiful, when the cardigan came off. I just looked down and saw ugly. I had surgery to remove it, and I have been so much more happier. No more bumps and lumps. However, I have a huge scar (from my shoulder to elbow). I still get self-conscious when people ask, but it wasn't as bad as before.
ReplyDeleteI think you are gorgeous, and I am super jealous of you for going to Hawaii! No fair :)
Hey there! I've read your blog for a while but have never posted. Let's just say, this topic struck a chord with me :)
ReplyDeleteI have the worst skin ever. I'm talking fifteen year old boy bad. And it has always been that way - on BC, off BC, washes, creams, cleansers, you name it - I've tried it. So if you find a miracle cure, help a sister out and send it my way. I'm slightly convinced that cure may be found in the bottom of a wine glass, so I will be sure to do my research this weekend :) Enjoy Hawaii!
Ugh, I'm RIGHT there with you. I was in the FIFTH grade when I first went to a dermatologist. Since then I've tried EVERYTHING (as I'm sure you have too) to clear my skin up to no avail. Now I'm 25 and still hating my skin. I think I'm going to throw in the towel and try Acutane. Nothing else has ever worked for me, and I'm desperate to feel good about a make-up free face!
ReplyDeleteLooking at your pictures, I would have never known it was a struggle for you! You always look flawless!
My first job consisted of a ton of cold calling, so I sat with my face up against the phone literally for hours. Then I would break out into disgusting zits along the side of my face and my manager would just laugh and say "look at all your peers, they all have it, it's from the PHONE!" I had no idea the telephone was causing all of us to breakout! So be aware of your where your phone sits when you chat!
ReplyDeletePS - I love your face! :)
I'm going to try to explain this without getting to personal/weird... Lol. If you are on BC, and you have been taking that "version" for a while (ie: six months or more), I would contact your gyno and let him/her know about your skin issues. There is a good chance it could be related. If you are not on BC, it might HELP if you started on a low dose. When I was in college I started BC for the first time and my ass and boobs got huge and my face looked awesome... buuuut my clothes stopped fitting. NOT GONNA WORK! So I got off of it. Come to find out, it was a high dose pill. I just started on a low dose purely for reasons of my acne. I'm still on my first month so I can't tell if it is working or not, but I'm gonna give it a while and see. For the time being, I would just remember to keep your hands away from your face. Germs are no good and popping pimps can often make them worse. Good luck girl, I hope you find a cure!!
ReplyDeleteHave you tried tea tree oil? I swear by it & have turned a few of my friends onto it....and it's natural too!
ReplyDeleteBy reading your blog and looking at your photos, I would have never guessed that you struggled with skin imperfections. Your face always looks flawless in photos. And I'm NOT just saying that.
ReplyDeleteNow I would just like to know your makeup regimen so I can get my face to look like that.
Keep your chin up. You're beautiful inside and out :)
I feel for you! My face started to get bad when I was in middle school. Everyone said "oh you'll grow out of it". Here I am at 26 and still have issues. It got better but I certainly didn't "grow out of it" like they promised. I tried all those over the counter potions and creams, nothing ever worked. I used to cake on the makeup to hide everything until one day I couldn't stand wearing it anymore. I washed it all off and away I went. No joke. I was 22 and just tired of putting on my mask every day. I still wore eye makeup but no more foundation and guess what? It started to clear up. I still have issues and it's not always "pretty" but taking off the mask helped a lot! I still use powder occasionally. While it might be scary to do it, try it for a few days. I'm not saying it'll clear up instantly but give it a chance! You never know! Good luck girl!
ReplyDeleteOh and also avoid things with salicylic acid. It's in like 99% of acne creams but I found out I was allergic to it and it made it worse! I now use the Burt's Bees blemish roller ball that has natural salicyclic acid from willow bark. Helps a lot! Sorry for writing a book but I just know how it feels!
ReplyDeleteoh girl i totally hear yah on this! some days i just want to cry about my skin! and would loveee to not have to pile the makeup on too!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel all too well. I went my whole life until about 25 with perfect skin but then it hit with no turning back. Lately I've noticed a change for the better since I cut out soda. Its still not perfect but better for sure.
ReplyDeleteI wear tons of makeup most of the time to hide the imperfections so you are not alone.
Have you seen a dermatologist?
We do all that one insecurity, and it really is all about how you handle it. I know a lot of people that have skin issues. Have you got to a dermatologist? Also, hormones yo! I will bet you anything a big part of the "problem" is hormones. Doesn't seem like they should be that bad anymore but I swear my hormones have gotten worse with age, and have affected me in more negative ways! Sucks! You are a VERY beautiful girl, and I'm glad that you don't let your insecurity tear you down. That speaks volumes all on its own :)
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog for a long time but I believe this is the first time I've commented. Atleast I'm not just a stalker anymore, right??
ReplyDeleteAnyway: I've struggled with acne since I was 13 and at 29, I've had just about enough! I've tried every treatment, aside from accutane, on the planet. The only one that has ever worked is glycolic acid peels. I had them done through an esthetician who worked out of my dermatologist's office. It cost me about $55 per treatment and I was going 2-3 times a month, so it got expensive. But it worked! Far fewer breakouts, less noticeable scarring. It was great!! Once it all got under control, I went down to one treatment a month and it worked great to keep the flare ups away. At some point, I stopped being able to afford to keep up with the treatments so I'm back to teenage boy status, but I do highly recommend giving glycolic acid peels a try. And go to a pro because the at-home stuff I've tried hasn't been nearly as successful!
Just my two cents! Have tons of fun in Hawaii!!
I've struggled off and on with acne and recently it got REALLY bad. Like I cried. A LOT. I tried a chemical peel and my faced peeled for a week. Like I went to work and had people staring at me. Makeup made it worse (but I wouldn't go without). Basically it was a cryfest. Do you use an exfoliator? That helped me. I'd use it twice a week. One with salyclic acid works best. Also the St. Helena mint julep mask is AMAZING and cheap!! Or the Indian clay healing mask (these two are at whole foods). Bare minerals helped me during the day (but coverage can sucks) and I also like cover fx a lot (but expensive).
ReplyDeleteAnd if that doesn't help....have you been to the dermatologist?
I went a few months ago and the first prescription didn't do anything and the retinoid made me break out worse (hello cryfest #4758916373839). The doctor then have me spironolactone which helps control oil productions and I've seen results with that and my other masks 1-2 times a week. I have hormonal and stress related acne though, not sure what yours stems from.
Anyways gf, I feel your pain! I'd suggest the derm of you're fed up and read on the mint julep mask....I swear it's insane! You're gorgeous, honestly!
Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteI am 28 (almost 29) and went through the same thing for about 4-5 years. Perfect skin in high school and college..... and then wham! Disaster on my face.
Finally after trying EVERYTHING, I decided to do the low dose acutane treatment. We are talking 10mg to start and I took it for 6 months and ended with 30mg dose. While it made my lips dang near fall off during the treatment, and I had to have bloodwork done every month- IT CHANGED MY LIFE!
I have been off the medicine for months now and my face is still clear!
Whatever you decide- just know you are a beauty!
xoxo
Sorry for any typos I'm on my phone at work pretending to do important things ;)
ReplyDeleteI struggle with the same problem. I've tried EVERYTHING too! And to make things worse, I developed an allergy to benzoyl peroxide at the ripe old age of 26! So basically I can't use any facewash or anything you buy at the drug store. I started using Cetaphil and a topical creme from my dermatologist. I also starting drinking green monster smoothies and try to drink hot lemon water in the mornings. I know this sounds weird, but it's almost like as soon as I started not focusing so much on my skin, it got better. I seriously used to cry and not want to go places b/c my face would be SO bad. I know exactly how you feel and I hope it gets better :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just the time of month when all girls are feeling down, but I wrote about being frustrated and I've read a few other blogs today that are FTTM with something in their lives too. I definitely needed the picture at the end :)
ReplyDeleteoh, insecurity how I hate it.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it isn't one thing but many. I am great at finding many things to feel insecure about. I actually just had a conversation yesterday with a friend about ow hard we are on ourselves. I don't know about you but I am way harder on my own little problems than I am about a friends or strangers. I still think when my friends have a zit or gain a pound or two that they are gorgeous, but those things happen to me, I instantly feel ugly and am hard on myself!
I feel ya girl - My skin has actually gotten worse as I've gotten older instead of better!! You are beautiful and don't let it get you down!! Yay for Hawaii - have SOO much fun!:)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE YOU and think you are one of the prettiest little ladies I know. If anything, I can't WAIT to see that FACE again :) Have fun in Hawaii!
ReplyDeleteI think someone must have scheduled today to be "hate myself" day in bloggyland. I've read a few posts that are right with me totally feeling down today. Is something going on in the universe?
ReplyDeleteBut I didn't comment to talk about me, but YOU! Even though you know it's there and it makes you insecure, I have never once noticed any skin issues in your photos. You are absolutely gorgeous! I really hate that this issue makes you feel this way! :(
From time to time I get the large cyst like monsters on my face. I have found from my derm that usuing this peroxide stuff really helps. I have noticed my face breaking out more while here in Houston than when I was back in Indiana. Stress can also cause the monsters. I suggest going to a derm if you have not already. There is also a Neutrogena wash that advertises it targets zits.
ReplyDeleteHave a blast in Hawaii!!! So jealous!
http://countryrootscityliving.blogspot.com
Not to sound preachy, but when I feel insecure about myself I remember this verse...
ReplyDeleteI praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
And by the way you are beautiful.
You're going to Hawaii. Which= sun= drying out those annoying zittys.
ReplyDeleteAnd this would lead me to my *skin problem.* The sun. Have I mentioned I have lovely dark spots that are now appearing on my face like an 80 year old woman? I think in Nebraska we call them "liver spots." Yes, I do.
Once while getting a pedi the lovely Chinese girl said to me "you have makeup spot on face." Haha on no little Asian, that's just a liver spot.
We've all got our things... Now have a good day :)
First of all, I'm not going to get on my pedestal and pretend I have any magical cure, because I don't. In fact, I am a long-time acne sufferer and probably will be considering my mother still has crazy breakouts..and well..SHE'S A MOTHER! In any case, I would have never known about your acne. I don't know you any more than religiously reading your blog, but you are one of the most beautiful girls I follow. Inside and out--truthfully. Of course we all have that one insecurity (mine will always be weight!), but seriously girl, you are beautiful. You rock, so keep doin' what you're doin'. Have a kick ass time in Hawaii and don't forget to go to Poipu Beach right near Koloa Landing in Kauai (some of the best happy hours :)!)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having such a rough time! Those dang insecurities can really get you sometimes...I know they do me! I had a rough patch w/ my skin about a year ago. I was breaking out and NO MATTER what I did I just kept breaking out...so annoying! I even used Proactive and HATED it. Well, my Grandma has flawless skin and always has! She's 75 and looks about 62 SO, I asked her! I started using her products and I have had no trouble since. Seriously, love this stuff! http://secure.silkskin.com/store/index.aspx
ReplyDeleteIt can be a little pricey but they always do these great sales in July. I just stock up on it then :)! Hope this helps.
UGH! I hate those days when you just DO NOT FEEL CUTE. I'm sorry you're feeling blah! If you want I'll send you some of my skin but in return I want your abs!
ReplyDeleteAn amazing post S, thank you so much for bring so open and honest with us. We all have those days that we wake up feeling terrible and nothing makes us feel better and we all have some part of us that we are so insecure about...
ReplyDeleteI think you look stunning - but perfectly understand the need to 'cover up' or work on your own insecurity!
x
Ughh.. I've been dealing with awful adult acne for about 3 years now and I've tried everything.. Proactiv, using the clarisonic, and several prescriptions from the dermatologist. I finally gave up a few weeks ago and stopped taking the horse pills and using the expensive creams from the derm and tried my Proactiv again and it's working. So weird how it didn't work before but it does now :-P
ReplyDeleteGreat post hun! So much inspiration :)
I definitely know what you mean! Even though I have been blessed with really good skin, my hair is something that I seriously cannot get over. I chopped it off back in 2007 and I haven't loved it since. It makes me feel so insecure! You are so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI've had the same issues since I was 13. I can't believe I'm in my late 20s and have to see a dermatologist on the reg, take antibiotics for my skin, etc. I think you're beautiful and I bet you'll be surprised how many people of the same issue!
ReplyDeleteI completely hear you! Well ALL go through some sort of insecurity. My biggest insecurity would probably have to be HUGE nose. I hate it so much and I wish I were rich and could get surgery on it. People keep telling me that it fits my face and that it looks good on me, but I will always be insecure about it
ReplyDeleteI feel for ya because I totally understand where you're coming from :-/ I went to the dermatologist for the first time when I was 10 years old and I've taken Accutane twice (at 14 and again at 17). My skin was pretty good for several years and was pretty "normal." It still isn't as bad as it used to be, but it is oily, sometimes combo, random bumps and acne, etc. Grr :( I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I guess this is just to say I know how you feel! Hang in there...remember we are ALL our own worst critic. I have honest to goodness NEVER looked at a picture of you and noticed your skin looking rough. Promise.
ReplyDeleteHey girl! You are beautiful and I never would have known you had bad skin. I used to get really nasty cyst like zits too for years and years. I took antibiotics for them and prescription washes from the dermaologist. One of the face washes that worked the best was called Sodium Sulfacetamide. It smelled awful but really helped. Switching birth controls also helped me. I think someone else said this too, but I stopped wearing foundation to work every day and it helped! Have fun in Hawaii!
ReplyDeletesteph you're stunning! but i agree, we all have something we're unhappy with about ourselves
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, friend, that you are feeling insecure about your skin. I feel like I have had the same battle and even though it is better than it has been before, I still have to deal with it. I can never relax and never skip a day in my routine. I won't tell you what to do but perhaps you might be a candidate for some hormone blockers (I think it's called Aldactone) - it basically blocks the levels of testosterone which causes cystic acne. I know it sucks to have to take medicine and doing things naturally would always be the preferred method. But maybe your dermatologist might talk with you about that. I hope you can find SOMETHING that works and that you start feeling as beautiful as you ARE.... because you definitely ARE!
ReplyDeleteI truly know how you feel! I just went to the derm the other day and she gave me a new regimen to try (if you wanna know what it is, email me!) but apparently I was using the wrong face wash and she told me not to use any makeup with talc in it ... so I need to buy new bronzer talc free, just a suggestion but trust me I know how you feel ... anyway you are BEAUTIFUL and you are going to Hawaii ... so jealous! have fun!!
ReplyDeleteAshley
tell me about it. i still get pimples/zits and it always drives me insane. i'm like, i'm not 15 anymore.
ReplyDeletebut to be honest, i never in a million years would have thought you had skin issues. your skin looks flawless to me.
enjoy your trip to Hawaii ... can't wait to see all your pictures!
xoxo
I truly would have never guessed this was something you deal with - you are gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteAfter I read your post, I read this post on My Yellow Sandbox: http://www.myyellowsandboxblog.com/2012/09/skincare-miracle-day-in-life-of-mom-and.html
I have not tried it, but couldn't help but pass it along to you in case you'd like to give it a try!
Hope you have an wonderful trip to Hawaii!!
I am truly inspired from your write-up and sharing this too with my friends and colleagues. Rated Acne Treatments
ReplyDelete